Whom do you trust?

Comments

Hi Steve,

I want come back and chew on this some more.

A coupla thoughts off the top of my head.

Regardless of your religious beliefs, when Christianity/Judaism was more prevalent, like when the 10 commandments and Bible were in the school system, that provided a clear framework.

I think what we are experiencing now is a loss of a clearly articulated, communicated and negotiated framework.

Without which we cannot foster trust.

To really foster trust, I have to feel safe. I image you have to feel safe, at least on some level.

The exercise we did at my office Monday, threw out a framework. These are a great group of people and an excellent company. And what I felt was a loss of trust with that exercise. Hmmm. I'm still chewing on that one.

In relationships and my work as a Romance Coach and Online Dating Coach my clients email me and approach me with, "April, I want to GET MARRIED, please help me." or "April, I want to BE in a RELATIONSHIP, please help me."

Indeed, I am delighted to do so. However, like I am doing right now with a possible client, I need to devote a good amount of time to the DISCOVERY phase and ask a lot of good and pertinent questions to help flesh out what it is that is what they really want.

For instance, upon your influence, for folks who have been married before, I ask now a lot more about, "Do you even want to get married? Or is being in a committed, negotiated relationship sufficient? Will that meet your need? Would you be happy with that?" A lot more women have bought into "I need to be married." And even just asking them those questions is good because they hadn't considered it before. They may still arrive at the conclusion of, "Yes, I want to be married." However, the exercise was worth considering for them.

Another thing is quite often we use a term on our Love Tick List as a short hand. Like Sonya and I have discussed, being Christian, we had formerly said, "Must be Christian." Wellllll, experience has shown us that some men with that label were not our best choices. And some men who were not "Christian" were cherishing us in the manner we WANTED and we had aligned values.

Ahhhh.

Aligned values.

Maybe THAT was a better term.

And then using that term then prompted us to chew on that and delineate it more, give our values flesh.

Indeed, for communication purposes sometimes we do need to use short hand.

For relationships, whether romantic, platonic, or business, we will need to devote the time over a period of time to flesh that out and discover the nuances.

And then, indeed, you have a relationship with that person.

Great post, as ever, Steve!

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

This is not just a US problem. All European countries I am familiar with seem to be nations of sheeps. Naturally, this is encouraged by politicians of all parties and nationalities - without sheeps their breed can't survive.

Great post. Very thought-provoking... It actually never occured to me that I should or could trust any institution.

Yann

Yann Vernier - Personal Coach

Long live the Sheople!

Brilliant point! Spoken like a fellow 'Sheep Dog'

If you have no capacity for violence then you are a healthy productive citizen, a sheep. If you have a capacity for violence and no empathy for your fellow citizens, then you have defined an aggressive sociopath, a wolf. But what if you have a capacity for violence, and a deep love for your fellow citizens? What do you have then? A sheepdog, a warrior, someone who is walking the hero's path. Someone who can walk into the heart of darkness, into the universal human phobia, and walk out unscathed. - Colonel Dave Grossman on Sheepdogs



The Sheepdogs

Most humans truly are like sheep
Wanting nothing more than peace to keep
To graze, grow fat and raise their young,
Sweet taste of clover on the tongue.
Their lives serene upon Life’s farm,
They sense no threat nor fear no harm.
On verdant meadows, they forage free
With naught to fear, with naught to flee.
They pay their sheepdogs little heed
For there is no threat; there is no need.

To the flock, sheepdog’s are mysteries,
Roaming watchful round the peripheries.
These fang-toothed creatures bark, they roar
With the fetid reek of the carnivore,
Too like the wolf of legends told,
To be amongst our docile fold.
Who needs sheepdogs? What good are they?
They have no use, not in this day.
Lock them away, out of our sight
We have no need of their fierce might.

But sudden in their midst a beast
Has come to kill, has come to feast
The wolves attack; they give no warning
Upon that calm September morning
They slash and kill with frenzied glee
Their passive helpless enemy
Who had no clue the wolves were there
Far roaming from their Eastern lair.
Then from the carnage, from the rout,
Comes the cry, “Turn the sheepdogs out!”

Thus is our nature but too our plight
To keep our dogs on leashes tight
And live a life of illusive bliss
Hearing not the beast, his growl, his hiss.
Until he has us by the throat,
We pay no heed; we take no note.
Not until he strikes us at our core
Will we unleash the Dogs of War
Only having felt the wolf pack’s wrath
Do we loose the sheepdogs on its path.

And the wolves will learn what we’ve shown before;
We love our sheep, we Dogs of War.

Russ Vaughn
2d Bn, 327th Parachute Infantry Regiment
101st Airborne Division
Vietnam 65-66



I would also point you to The Last Centurion by John Ringo

Spends a chapter on Social Trust and how the world ends.



Tim

PS How far I trust someone is a 'range' issue



Steve great post. Yann , thanks for you insight as well! Huge issue! Affects us in every aspects of our daily worlds!

John

And in some areas of life, I'm the sheep, and in others, I'm the sheepdog (of course, one with really fabulous eyelashes, and good healthy glossy coat, pink leather with rhinestones collar....). and a few hours a year, I'm probably a wolf.

All the best,

April Braswell
Romance Coach, Online Dating Coach

Great post. I don't trust many people. It's a hindrance, but I think common for people my age.

Sheridan

Well , here in the Uk we probably have more money spent per person on public services and yet except for the NHS trust is with the public in relation to them.
Furthermore, even with the NHS trust is a lot less then say with my mum and dad's generation. It's quite sad.

David Power

Expert in Hypnosis, Success Thinking adnd Practical Parenting

I tend to be a really trusting person, but I've found my trust to be exploited more often now than before. Gradually I am becoming a less trusting person because of this. A cycle of cynicism perhaps.

Jennifer Skinner

Wardrobe Planning Expert

Steve, first, how'd ya get that technorati icon on your blog page?

Next, I would think that trust is dying, but I tend to be a very trusting person, so I'm not really sure.

Great post - really gives you something to think about.

Lisa McLellan

Child care specialist

Steve,

Love this one! It takes me a while to trust anyone, let alone the government.

Sabrina Peterson

I fix people!

Who do you trust? Not to many people or institutions. Especially institutions. We are unique people here in this group. We tend to think for ourselves and definitely are working to create our own lives. Let's continue to be a pack of sheepdogs working together long after this course is over. I think I will go howl at the moon.

Scott A Bell

me, i trust the feds....

;-)

www.kevinhogan.net

I've found that more times then not it takes a long while for me to trust in anyone. I guess it's more of trial period for me to decide weather or not they are worthy of my trust.
When it comes to a larger entity my guard is always up and hasn't had a reason to let it down yet
Focus your Energy

I learned at a very young age not to trust, and it's stuck with me since.

I'm learning to trust a little more each day though. I have met people along the way who have taught me that there is hope, but there are certian things in the world I will never trust, like for instance:

Government

Polititians

Health Care System

California Law

California Education System

You get the point......

My personal relationships that I do have though, I DO trust in those. And I thank GOD everyday that I have them in my life.

The sensationalism in the news does not help, it merely builds fear. It is not like the Walter Cronkite days

Dr Peter


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